loves4free:I could hold you forever.

loves4free:

I could hold you forever.

(via allofyoutrytol)

7 months with my sweetheart :’)

You know… he’s helped me with so much more than I could ever explain. If I’m having nightmares or night terrors when I fall asleep on him, he’ll hold me tight, brush his fingers through my hair, and tell me that everything will be okay because he’s always going to be there for me. And, I know he is. I really do. Today after work and talking with his mom, he came right to my house and gave me a huge hug and kiss because he knew I was having a rough day with trying to keep thoughts, and the little food I ate, down. He told me to no longer deal with what my thoughts, or the people around me say. Unfortunately, my cuts came undone again while walking with him, and he saw the blood seeping through my thighs, just kind of puddling up. And he knew it was fresh due to the shine.. so he had me clean up(again), and once I had changed, he just held me and helped me through the thoughts… he had some razors from his work that he had showed me and I had reached for them unknowingly, which frightened him. Even with that flaw, and my scars, and all that we have been through, he has stood by me. With all we have been through in the past year, we’ve stayed together and kept getting stronger. If you can’t find a man or woman that stays with you through everything, I feel bad. Because it feels good to have someone so supportive, that is also in love with you and all your flaws. :’) I hope everyone can find someone as great :)

loves4free:In need of love

loves4free:

In need of love

(Source: facebook.com, via allofyoutrytol)

When you have to run away from your own grandmother because you saw some blood seeping out of your jeans… “I’m sorry Nanny, I just don’t want a hug” :/ oops..

I just looked at my yahoo to see when I got the anonymous messages. I wasn’t eating at 7:22am, but thanks for trying cuntbag. If you were sitting soooo close to me, you would have seen me throw lionas food back at her and refuse Haileys food. But, NICE TRY! You REALLY had me going except, not really. You just contradicted yourself. Thanks sweetpea, thanks for playing. When I cut my arms I use razors, I use knives and razors for my thighs. Need to know anything else? Because I’ll tell you EVERYTHING.

At least when I send things, I don’t go on anonymous. Fucking pussy ass cunts.

Here CUNT, HERE’S YOUR PROOF. TOLD YOU THAT YOU CAN HAVE BOTH! FUCK YOURSELF WITH A CACTUS. And the only reason my cuts “look like cat scratches” is because I’m refraining from cutting my arms for the sake of prom, my boyfriend, and my boyfriends parents. I bet if you’ve seen my thighs lately, you’d think differently you stupid twat. You don’t truly know me. And I bet you’re probably just doing this for your cunt of your friend, huh? Because you TOTALLY know everything she’s put others through. I heard you talking yesterday about how I’m the “only person you’d send anonymous hate to.” Really?! I’ve done NOTHING but be nice and kind to you! Are you really that low of a person? And telling me to die? That’s REALLY mature. You’re such a two faced cunt. Fuck off.

Anonymous asked: So do you know how much of a lying little bitch you are? You're not anorexic, you don't have bulimia, and your cuts look like my cat scratches. Tbh you can't have bulimia and anorexia, it's physically impossible. Also, you're eating right now. So you should probably stop trying to seek for attention, no one gives a shit. Bye.

I ate some pineapples and not even half of my chicken sandwich because MY FRIEND AND BOYFRIEND KEPT ASKING ME TO! If you’re going to keep being a little cunt and keeping yourself anonymous, RESEARCH! Because you CAN have bulimia and anorexia nervosa at the same time. Look it up cunt. LOOK IT UP. Go to google or bing or whatever retarded search engine you use and look up “can you have anorexia and bulimia at the same time” I GUARANTEE YOUR CUNT ASS WILL SEE IT! Hell, I’ll fucking look it all up FOR YOU and screenshot EVERYTHING. I was diagnosed with bulimia with anorexia nervosa. If you don’t believe me, whatever. I KNOW what I HAVE.

Derek, thank you for helping me with my eating and cutting. If it wasn’t for you, I’d definitely be hospitalized. You have helped me through so much, and I cannot thank you enough for holding me during complete mental breakdowns where all I wanted to do was push you away and cut… you’ve saved me from what I used to be, I’ve gotten sober with the drugs and drinking and smoking, and I’m going to try my hardest to go without cutting. I promise that I’ll be here for you, like you’re always here for me. Snookums, I’m in love with you. I’ll never let you go :’)

Derek, thank you for helping me with my eating and cutting. If it wasn’t for you, I’d definitely be hospitalized. You have helped me through so much, and I cannot thank you enough for holding me during complete mental breakdowns where all I wanted to do was push you away and cut… you’ve saved me from what I used to be, I’ve gotten sober with the drugs and drinking and smoking, and I’m going to try my hardest to go without cutting. I promise that I’ll be here for you, like you’re always here for me. Snookums, I’m in love with you. I’ll never let you go :’)

(Source: r-ideout, via pannicispatience)

Support at its finest.

When good, positive people in your life POST paragraphs on your Facebook to tell you to stay positive, or when one of your friends messages you and tells you that you can get through it because they know you’ve gotten through it all. I literally have nothing but good friends now. I can’t think of better people than these. :) personally, I hate people in general. But, I happen to be very fond of them.

panicispatience:

Oh no, you don’t like me. How ever will I live my life without your approval?

Happily, because I don’t give a fuck. That’s how.

(via panicispatience)

panicispatience:

When I look into his eyes, I see a future. The more and more that I think of it, I know that it’s going to be true. We talk about me going to college, getting an apartment while I’m in college, getting married, going on a beautiful honeymoon, having a stable job or jobs and a career, and last but not least: starting a family together. I can’t imagine a better man to have a child with, because I know that he’s going to be an amazing father. He even asked me if we could have them sooner, but he respects the fact I want our future children to have a stable life. And, it’s better to be fully grown and in the real world, and having a stable job to support a child. Because, why take care of a fragile child if you can’t take care of yourself? Anyway, I’m in love with that man in that photo; and every time our eyes meet I just melt away into this sappy mush. We write love letters to each other on occasion, he gives me foot rubs, massages, and rubs my stomach when it’s upset. When he rubs my stomach it sometimes gets to the both of us, because he always thinks about one of the four children being in there, and kisses my stomach even though nothing but digested food is going to be in there for 7 more years. And yes, I have the year planned because of college, marriage, and the honeymoon. I just can’t believe that I found someone like him, all the time I was only looking for someone who wouldn’t cheat, abuse, drug, or use me… And I found the most amazing man in the world. Though he made a huge mistake and didn’t tell me, he’s still the most amazing man on the face of the planet and I plan to love him for all eternity. :’)

panicispatience:

When I look into his eyes, I see a future. The more and more that I think of it, I know that it’s going to be true. We talk about me going to college, getting an apartment while I’m in college, getting married, going on a beautiful honeymoon, having a stable job or jobs and a career, and last but not least: starting a family together. I can’t imagine a better man to have a child with, because I know that he’s going to be an amazing father. He even asked me if we could have them sooner, but he respects the fact I want our future children to have a stable life. And, it’s better to be fully grown and in the real world, and having a stable job to support a child. Because, why take care of a fragile child if you can’t take care of yourself? Anyway, I’m in love with that man in that photo; and every time our eyes meet I just melt away into this sappy mush. We write love letters to each other on occasion, he gives me foot rubs, massages, and rubs my stomach when it’s upset. When he rubs my stomach it sometimes gets to the both of us, because he always thinks about one of the four children being in there, and kisses my stomach even though nothing but digested food is going to be in there for 7 more years. And yes, I have the year planned because of college, marriage, and the honeymoon. I just can’t believe that I found someone like him, all the time I was only looking for someone who wouldn’t cheat, abuse, drug, or use me… And I found the most amazing man in the world. Though he made a huge mistake and didn’t tell me, he’s still the most amazing man on the face of the planet and I plan to love him for all eternity. :’)

(via panicispatience)

panicispatience:

Baby, I appreciate all the things you do. Like how you’ll wipe my tears, rub my back, take care of me, randomly dance with me(even if there’s no music), whenever you give me foot rubs… I just start crying. Why? Because (even though it’s small to you), it means quite a lot to me. When you pick me…

(via panicispatience)

panicispatience:

Derek! :)
Sometimes late at night, I lie in my bed and think about us. It has been such a miraculous ride, the kind that we never thought we’ll be able to make through. I know that life is full of trials and that we cannot get what we want always, but I know that now that I have you, I can make it through any kind of situation that life might throw at us. Your love has filled me hope and has given me the strength to face my fears, which is something for which I shall be eternally grateful. I still remember vividly the moment that I first met you. I remember thinking to myself that I had definitely been hallucinating, for you seemed like a vision of perfection to me, so much so that I felt my heart frozen when you looked at me and smiled. I know it sounds like out of some cheesy romance novel but after all this while you still manage to take my breath away. I love you darling, it is a spell that you have cast on me I know, and I hope that it continues to weave its magic forever. There are a million things that come to my mind when I think of you and I know now that the reason why I’m so in love with you is because how honest and true you are. You have never pretended to be anyone else and that’s what made me trust you with all my heart and soul. You have made me feel secure again and that is the reason why I know that there could have never been another one for me. I hope you know just how much you mean to me my love, my heart beats only for you. You are that one boy, who can still make my heart flutter even after these months. Every time I catch you looking at me, my heart skips a beat, for you make me feel like I’m falling in love all over again. The truth of the matter is that you hold power over me unlike anything that I have ever known or experienced. I know that love seemed like a far fetched thing, but after meeting you I realized that true is love is the most beautiful gift that can be bestowed upon us. I’m in love with you Derek, I hope you know that. Whenever you hold my hand, in my mind I can only see images of sunrises and sunsets, and us growing old together. I know that it might sound far fetched, but believe me I was never the kind to be building future plans. Up until the day I met you, I was content in the future being a mystery, but then I found you and nothing seemed so right like the way I felt with you. I love you with all my heart my darling, please don’t EVER change. I know that our kids are going to love having such an amazing father as you. Because you will be a great father! I’ve seen how amazing you are with children! You’re AMAZING!!! Children just automatically love you and I it seems!! And I can’t wait for our children to open up their eyes after I deliver each of them, and them smiling at us after we’re holding them. :’) every night while I’m pregnant, before I go to sleep, I’ll sing a lullaby for our child :’) there isn’t a day where I don’t think of our children :) You are the one who has always picked me up when I was suffering from anxiety. I know I tend to doubt myself a lot, but you have always have had your faith in me. I have never asked you for much, for you always have taken care of me and given me all that I could possibly ask. When I write to you today, I want to ask you for something, I want you to love me and never let me go. You are the answer to all my prayers and I know that I am luckier because I have you in my life. :’)

Seriously wouldn’t be able to make it through tonight without him. God I’m so in love with you. :’)